Entree

Happy Father's Day...

not such an exciting day for me anymore. however, bro-in-law is probably celebrating his 1st Father's Day. for himself that is. ah that's good.

Haven't had enough sleep in like a month now. well, compare to my USUALY lack-of-sleep, this is worse. the whole of yesterday and today's been a tad sucky. Besides the same ol' same ol' stuffs that are making me EMO, there's the fact of Grandma. Sent her to a home today. sighhh. been bothering me ever since mom brought it up about 2 weeks ago. there are lots of pros and cons. but evidently, the Pros outweigh the Cons by a big number. one of the things bothering me is the fact that we'd say we'd NVR send her to a home. sigh. I guess this is an example of never use 'Never'. i Hate goin agains my own words. but seriously, none of us can take real good care of her. and locking her up in her room is not a good solution anymore. it may even make her condition worse. the Home is a single storey banglo with duno how many rooms. she has to share with another patient. but tht's alright. she got the better bed. anyhow, at least she can roam around OUTSIDE the room anytime, with the help of others that is. Actually use the bathroom instead of the commode all the time. sighh. i cant even start to imagine how it's like for her at home. being locked in the room all day. she even developed a little hate for mom i think. and that's really bad. but mom's not taking it too hard which is good. i've been in a dilemma for god knows how long. Nobody will ever support the idea of a nursing home. but sometimes it's what's best for the overall that mtters. i never complain. altho maybe what mom says is true. i'm not really there the whole day to oversee how grandma is acting. But my room's next to hers. i mean i get woken up by her wee hrs in the morning, and at 8am when she starts to scold the maid for every available reason. and not to mention the smell of my room which seeped from hers that seeped from the commode. sigh, but i nvr complain. i NVR complained to anyone. thats prob the reason why i nvr mention to anyone about the idea of a nursing home too. it's just wrong to put someone in a Nursing home. but now i do realise that my mentality may not always be the right one. and if it's so wrong, why do they have it in the 1st place. They're not unwanted, they're just better cared for in a Nursing home. hence, the name.

i Hope mom feels better with all this. she seems a bit relieved that grandma is thre. well, i guess 1 side of me is kinda glad that she's there. but i'd rather her be at home with the family. maybe if i worked harder earlier instead of lazing around so much last time. i could help afford a bigger hse and a live-in nurse n supplies for grandma. sighhh but still she'd not be hapy. but i guess that's life. sucks.

on another note, i'm hoping and praying that a miracle appears n save my bottom right tooth. dentist said my gums are weak. which i knew like years ago n did nothing about it except brush on a regular basis n not visit the dentist regularly. sighhh all actions have consequences. it feels better now with some dentist medication n anti-biotics. i hate taking pain killers. but i really couldnt stand it 2 days ago. took some Mobic with my fingers crossed i dun turn out to look like a lobster again. n i didnt. woohoo. then dentist gave another suggestion to pull out my OTHER wisdom tooth on bottom left. which may cause the tooth next to it like the one on the rigt. i guess this paragraph would be easier if i actually knew the names of the teeth. gigi gerahang? hhmm. no idea. am too lazee to look it up now.

Thnx Ben for calling me out for a drink. really need it. long long post. it DOES feel a bit better voicing things out. or in this case, typing it out? sighhhh Really wanted to talk to her yesterday n the day before about all this. but i dont think i should be so needy anymore. not to HER at least anyway. Quotient Rule... i guess i have MORE important things to think about? that's wat i eep tellin myself. duno how far is the truth. sighhh.. coz she's equally AS important as anything else in my life. if not more. ughhh STOP emoING !!! dammit.

~out~

Posted by :  gizzy  on 6/15/2008 07:55:00 PM                

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